Savor The Moment

All day long I hurry to and fro.  Get up in a hurry, throw my jacket on, jam my feet into my tennis shoes, grab the leases and I’m off with two excited dogs dragging me down the road while I try to keep up on not enough sleep and no coffee yet.  My days seem to fly by in one big blur lately. I work non-stop all day, answering phones, questions, emails, managing my team and this exhausting project we are working on…giving all my energy to a job that I know is just a stepping stone to what I really want.  My days feel like they rush past me and with shooting on the weekends, my Saturdays and Sundays are starting to feel like that too.  Sometimes I find myself wanting life to just hurry up.  Even in the middle of all this chaos, I still feel like I know what I want to do, I just want to get there already.  Over and over again a slightly frustrated and  if I can be completely honest somewhat whiny voice repeats, “okay life, hurry up, I’m there.. I know what I want to do.  Can you just make me a photographer already?…Hello, anyone listening, I’m ready!”

So today as I was sitting in my truck at lunch, taking what felt like the first deep breath I’d had all day and I thought, one day I’m going to look back and smile at this crazy ride I’m on.  B and I are going to sit around the table with a martini (I’m not really a big wine drinker) and laugh about the days when I was pulling my hair out working non-stop at my current job and desperately trying to become a “real” photographer in my free time.

One day I will be a “real” photographer and as much as I want to get there now, I really just need to savor where I am right now.  Where everyday is a new opportunity to learn more about my craft.  Where every shoot is a wonderfully new and exciting experience, one that still makes my palms sweat and my heart race.  I need to savor the new feeling of when I know I really just nailed that last shot.  Where every beautiful picture is awesome and fulfilling and…still somewhat of a surprise.  I will never get back the feeling of booking our first paying client.  One day maybe it won’t feel so new and exciting.  One day I will be there, I’ll be that “real” photographer that I dream about in my head and that will be so totally awesome (yes I still use that word) but for now maybe I just need to savor the feeling of  waking up everyday and building the foundation that my dreams rest upon.

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Sneak Peek Jessica & Nathan

I had such an awesome time doing Jessica and Nathan’s maternity shoot.  They were so awesome even though I think at times they were thinking that the sun might burn a hole into their retinas and I made poor Jessica walk so much she said she didn’t need to exercise that day.  They were so much fun and an absolutely gorgeous couple.  Thank you so much for having us!

I love this one, definitely one of my favorites!

  

I think this one was taken before we spent 10 minutes trying to find a dandelion that we could actually get to blow away.

I love a red barn!

See I wasn’t lying when I said they were a gorgeous couple.  You are both going to be such wonderful loving parents!

First Maternity Shoot!

I’m off to do my first maternity shoot today.  I’m so excited, I’m just fascinated by pregnancy and can’t wait to be pregnant myself…someday. 🙂  Jessica who is pregnant is so gorgeous too so I know it will go great and I think we have some really cool ideas for some unique shots.  I’m super excited but I’m really nervous too.  I’m kind of just buzzing around the house nervously twitching just waiting until it’s time to go.  I’m sure I’ll do good, I just hate the waiting part.

Moving In the Right Direction

So it’s been awhile since I’ve posted and honestly I just haven’t been motivated and I think I finally know why.  I think the reason is becuase instead of writing how I actually felt and was trying to come up with posts that I thought people would want to read.  I trying to write as if I was already an expert as this whole photography and starting a new business thing. 

I’m not an expert though.  I’m just starting out and there is a ton I don’t know but I need to give myself more credit because I’m doing this.  I’m actually moving in the direction of my dreams.  How many people (myself included) lay in bed at night dreaming of what their life could be, but get up in the morning and do exactly the same thing they did the day before.  Not me though, I’m getting there…well at least going there, maybe not quite as fast as I would like to and maybe I’m still terrified everytime we do a shot, but I’m getting out there and doing it. 

So no more pretending.  I’m not an expert…but just wait one day I will be. 🙂

My Second Family

I recently went out to B’s parents’ house for his Dad’s 50th birthday and also to shoot some pics for his brother Nick who is soon leaving for Germany (I’m so jealous!!!).  Of course there was tons of fabulous food and I ate until I was way overstuffed.  I also got some great pictures of the family and their dogs Annabelle, Fezik and Elsa.  Fezik and Else are absolutely huge they already weigh over a 100lbs. and they are only like seven months old!  While I was walking around out there I was totally think how gorgeous their property is and I need to remember to bring my camera whenever we go out there.

See absolutely gorgeous!

Here is one of the beasts Fezik and here is Elsa.  They are massive but so sweet!  Annabelle is looking so sweet at the bottom too, she has the best personality!

And they have two beautiful horses, I’m so jealous!

Albus the model

I have two awesome dogs, who I call my pups and my mom calls her grandpups…too say they get a lot of love and are spoiled is an understatement.  I call them the odd couple because there is Marley, energetic, spastics and totally gorgeous and then there is Albus short stout, goofy Basset-Beagle mix (just in case you wanted to know they call this mix a Bagel 🙂 ).  Albus is a complete model and will totally sit and pose for the camera and Marley is the exact opposite always running around and moving at the last second and ruining your shot.  Well the other day I was after the “Albus” shot, you know the one I could frame and put in my new house.  Usually it is so easy to get a great picture of him but this day he was in rare form, it must have been the beautiful weather.  So after chasing both of them with the camera for an hour I think I finally nailed it.

What you don’t see is that the only way I could get them to stand still was by holding their favorite ball right above my head. 😉

Where Do I Begin?

Someone asked me a question a couple of days ago that may have been one of the best compliments I have ever received.  She asked, “do you know how you got to be who you are because I don’t know anyone your age like you?”  Now not everyone would see that as a positive, but to me, someone who doesn’t necessarily strive to be like the average 25 year old, that was an amazing compliment she gave me.  It also got me thinking, how did I become this person well… where do I begin?

To say I was always the person I am today would be wrong, I’m not a totally different but I think I  have changed many aspects of my life and personality purposefully.  There was a time where I walked the line and was extremely driven to perform academically.  So I worked my butt off in high-school and college, did an extracuricullar sports and volunteered  at a local hospital, not neccessarily because I enjoyed these activities but because those things would get me into college, and doing well in college and graduating with my degree would inevitably lead me to my high-powered six figure corporate job with the house and cars to match.  So I went down this path always driving towards my goal, I graduated with good marks from college and got a job.  Then one day it felt like life smacked me over the head, and I realized I wasn’t happy.  There was this big gapping hole in my life… and I realized that I utterly lacked passion.  Don’t get me wrong I didn’t have a bad life, I was extremely grateful for the roof over my head, B and my great family, but somewhere in the back of my mind I knew life could be so much more…so much better.

So one day I made the goal to “Pursue Passion” this is something I can and will write another post about in the future, but basically it meant that I made a point to try and find things that made me more happy and that added more pleasure and enjoyment into my life.  I’m not really into that whole “Secret” thing (you know the whole imagine what you want and it will appear…I still remember that time on Oprah when they were like imagine a new car and it will appear in your driveway, I was always thinking if I could get anything by thinking about it why would I waste my time on a car…anyways I digress) but it did kind of feel like once I comitted to pursuing a different lifestyle that photography kind of just appeared.  First Dad started taking photos and I was just assisted on the shoots and then B, my husband, got me a camera for Christmas and it just kind of felt like things just started clicking into place.

So now here I am, not a completely different person, my old habits still rear their head from time to time, but I’m working towards what I want from life and for the first time in a long time I really feel like I’m getting there.

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